Marielle Ignacio DeTorres

Knowledge of your trauma is not about blame or shame, it’s about what’s next. There is an opportunity hidden here and it looks like the potential to change. 

Remember the Serenity prayer? Lord, grant me: 

• The serenity to accept the things I cannot change
• The courage to change the things I can
• And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we encounter painful scenarios from our past, or hen we recall past mistakes and misjudgments, the question is not “Who’s to blame for this?”

The better question is “Now that I know what I know today, what  do I do about it? What’s next for me?”

Now this is not an excuse to not hold people accountable for what they do and have done to you. What it means is being able to separate what is their responsibility apart from what is yours. Your job is not to protect them from consequences of their own action or inaction. It means to recognize that you have room to change how it’s affecting you and what you’re going to do about it – whether it be setting clear boundaries, stepping away from an unhealthy relationship, or finally leaving that job that constrains your well-being. 

What this practice does is release you from a cycle of being stuck living in denial. It means learning how to trust your own gut and develop your ability to judge rightly.